I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
