my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
