our cab driver is having phone sex.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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