Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
