I just cut my nipple shaving
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
