Someone shit on the floor
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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