Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
