how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
