I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
