omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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