i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
