I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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