And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
