a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
