he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
