So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
