mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
