you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
