He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
