the condom got lost in my hair
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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