so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
