Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
