Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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