I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
