i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
