Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
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