dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You can't special order awesome
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
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