Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
