He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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