You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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