Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
