Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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