He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
