You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
