I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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