Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
