Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
