i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
