i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
