All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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