Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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