So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
