This girl is more easily done than said...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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