Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
