It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
