shes about as inviting as chlamydia
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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