marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
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