i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
