google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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