Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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