my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
