If i come over, it means nothing
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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