That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
