it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just want nice things and good sex
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
